“FOR F*CK SAKE! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO AS I ASKED YOU TO DO!”
She drops her oldest kids off at school, her hands trembling from the built up anger she’s been feeling all morning.
As she drives away she bursts into tears
“I shouldn’t have spoken to her like I did”
“I am meant to set an example!”
“She’s only 5 years old! Why are my expectations of her so high?”
“I’m such a bad mum. He deserves better. I’ll make it up to him tonight”
The thing is, at that moment she really believed that tonight, it would be different.
She’d get the house organised. Take a walk. Rest when the younger kids slept. Calm her mind. She’d do some gratitude and start appreciating what she had..... she did love the little buggers after all! And it really wasn’t THAT bad.... they were good kids.
But when the afternoon rolled around it started all over again.
The fighting. The winging. The complaining. The mess. The noise!
She tried deep breathing.
She tried counting.
She tried to remember all the advise people have given her. But nothing help.
EVERY. Little. Thing. Irritated her.
And frustrated her.
And pissed her off.
Until she tucked her kids in to bed and their little voices called out “love you mum”.... then she’d be a washed with guilt all over again.
WHY couldn’t she just pull her shit together!
They didn’t deserve this shit. But she didn’t know where to go. It’s not like you can exactly put up a social media post and declare to the world
“I hate being a mum, it’s too bloody hard and I don’t know what I”m doing!”
I honestly can not count how many women I’ve worked with who have experienced this kind of emotional chaos - the merry go round of intense over-reacting followed by waves of crippling guilt and shame. The promises you make to yourself to do better just to totally lose your shit an hour later.
As a mum in a situation very similar to this, I’ve attracted a lot of women who struggled just like this.... kindred spirits so to speak. I guess because I’ve been so vocal about how much I struggled, I offer a safe space for other mums to be honest and raw and deal with their emotional shit.
So when I pick up the phone to a mum in tears, weeping “I hate myself so much for how I feel.... I need to be better FOR THEM”, although my heart hurts for them I also quietly cheer, because I KNOW the improvements these ladies are about to experience and I know how much the relationships in their homes are about to improve.
We as mums harbour a lot of pent up emotions and beliefs about how shitty a job we’re doing. We all want what’s best for our kids, and we’d bend over backwards to give it to them. We’d move heaven and earth to make their life easier, and yet for some reason we don’t give ourselves the same allowances.
But when a mum says “It’s time for ME FIRST” she’s actually giving her family the GREATEST gift of all.
Because a mum who can BE and STAY in the moment (ok, MOST moments because no one is perfect!) a mum who can calmly communicate, who can help her children to navigate their own emotions, who can look at her kids and feel at her core that she IS doing a great job (despite the ups and downs), a mum who can fully FORGIVE herself in the knowing that she is doing her best, is a mum who is teaching her children and the next generation that the VERY best thing an individual can do is to look after themselves.
When you're ready to BREAK THE CYCLE, reach out.You know where you can find me